


You Smell Like Feathers

by ajay_lotte



Series: The Yellow Car Initiative [4]
Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Claire Temple is So Done, Concussions, Gen, Ice Cream, Laughter, Light Angst, Minor Injuries, Minor Karen Page/Claire Temple, Superhero Babysitter Claire Temple, That's life, This Is STUPID, because it's daredevil, but y'know, idiot vigilantes, like a really bad attempt at humor, yellow car game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26347243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajay_lotte/pseuds/ajay_lotte
Summary: In which the Claire can't believe her life, the Defenders are all acting like children, and Frank Castle just can't with his life sometimes.
Relationships: Karen Page/Claire Temple, Luke Cage & Jessica Jones & Matt Murdock & Danny Rand
Series: The Yellow Car Initiative [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883668
Comments: 7
Kudos: 202





	You Smell Like Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> Another post in this series, whoop! Can still be read as a stand alone.  
> Marvel owns all these characters and stuff, this is just a fanfiction for my own amusement because I suck, I'm bored, and think that Claire deserves more acknowledgement for being a vigilante helpline.  
> Warnings: swearing maybe?  
> Timeline thing: in End Game pretend the Hulk snapped everyone back to when Thor killed Thanos and that Steve bought Peggy with him to the future instead of staying in the past  
> Happy reading, Lotte :)

Claire’s at her apartment. That’s not a strange phenomenon. Seeing as she lives there.

Nor is it strange that her girlfriend is out with Foggy and Marci this late in the evening.

And in all honesty, it isn’t that strange that there are four vigilantes dying on the rug in front of the TV. Ok- they’re not dying, but Danny is definitely making appropriate noises for that to be the case.

What is strange is the brutal amount of honesty the concussed heroes are resorting to in their pain.

Like the fact Danny has admitted to using nail clippers instead of those mini scissors to cut his nails.

Claire admittedly thinks there is nothing wrong with that, that is until Jessica snorts and sets off a laughing contest between Matt and Luke. “You use… you use…” Luke struggles to gasp out, “nail clippers?”

“Yeah.” Danny barely gets the word out before the three are laughing like hyenas, Matt throwing his head back and hitting it on the coffee table, and Jessica clutching her ribs for dear life.

“You mean proper nail clippers? Like those teensy crocodile clippers that are too weak to cut through toenails?” She removes a hand from her side to make a gesture of how big the clippers are with her fingers.

“I have really weak nails!” Danny defends.

“I am the immortal Iron Fist!” Jessica mocks, making her voice boom. “And I have really weak nails!”

That makes Luke laugh so hard it comes out as a silent wheeze. That sets Jessica off laughing more like a donkey than anything else, and Matt just points at the two of them, making Danny laugh too. “Jessica sounds…” Matt says through his laughs, offering the woman a bright grin, “like she has a tractor reversing through her diaphragm.” He continues to laugh, and that, to Claire’s horror, brings Danny up to speed with them.

“Jessica has a farm inside her body!” He exclaims, and even Jessica finds that unsuitably hilarious.

“What animals are in my farm Red?” She asks, suddenly all serious. The others all follow suit, and Danny, Jessica and Luke all sit up straight, paying undivided attention to the man in question.

“Oh lord.” She mutters and goes to get herself a drink from the fridge, ignoring Matt’s listening ears.

Matt has his head cocked to the side, and a completely serious expression on his face- eyebrows furrowed and lips straight. “Goldfish.”

Danny gasps. Claire rolls her eyes. “Really?” It’s a shared question, one filled with joy, one with deafening sarcasm. Matt nods, still serious.  
“How many goldfish?” Jessica asks. Because that’s the important question here.

“Seven.” Jessica puts her hands to her stomach again and starts rubbing it like that’ll help the fish some how.

“Hold up. Why are there goldfish on a farm?” Luke asks, and Danny nods along, agreeing with this line of argument. Claire thinks she may have overdone it with the painkillers if they’re worried about the logistics of goldfish being on a farm more than in Jessica’s farm- Jessica’s body.

Matt tries to give Luke a deadpan look. Jessica pushes his head to the side with one finger to help him out. “They’re living in the duck pond.”

“Ohhh.”

Jessica looks at Matt with an emotion Claire can only describe and hope. “I have ducks on my farm?”

“No.” Matt shakes his head. Claire puts down the beer bottle- it won’t do her any good to be drunk right now.

“Then how do you know it’s a duck pond? My eyebrow is raised at you Murdock.”

Matt shrugs and crosses his legs. “You smell like feathers.”

Gasps. There’s a chorus of gasps.

Claire honestly doesn’t know how to remind Jessica that she and Karen got her feather pillows for her birthday. “So where are the ducks?” Danny asks, and ok, this is the first time Claire has actually believed him to be a businessman, even if the conversation is a little wacky.

Matt looks away from them. “Murdock, tell me what happened to my ducks.” He shakes his head. “Tell me!”

“I think the bear ate them.”

Jessica looks like she wants to strangle someone. “Ok,” Claire steps in, “why don’t you all just try to get some sleep? I’ll wake you every two hours.”

Jessica shakes her head. “If I go to sleep, the bear might eat the goldfish.”

“We can all keep turn keeping watch.” Luke says.

They’re on a stakeout now?

“I’ll go first.” Danny and Jess say immediately afterwards. And to think that an established group of vigilantes has a timetable for things like this already planned out. “Rock paper scissors?” Danny asks, and Jessica nods, hand at the ready.

“I’m calling Frank.” Claire mutters.

“Who won?” She hears Matt ask as she scrolls through the contacts of her phone. Frank’s number goes straight to voicemail. It doesn’t exist anymore.

“Can you not tell?”

“Scissors and paper are the same.”

“I won!” They both yell, and Matt laughs.

“Jessica won.” He finalises, because he’s a human polygraph. Claire shakes her head and calls Karen instead.

“Hey Honey, what’s up?”

“Frank’s changed his number again. Do you have it?”

Karen hums for a second. “Uh, I think this is it. I’ll forward you his contact.”

“You’re a star Ren.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” she says, “why do you need his number?” Claire frowns slightly, because by eluding the vigilantes name, it means keeping more secrets from Foggy. But then Claire remembers Marci is there, and Foggy’s probably smart enough to know who they’re talking about anyways.

“Our four favourite heroes have got concussion. They’re all acting like kids.”

“Are you sure it’s the concussion?” Karen asks, and manages to make Claire laugh. “If there’s any good bits, please film. The group chat is hungry.”

“I’m a nurse, Karen. I signed an oath. And with that comes doctor/patient confidentiality.” Though Claire would be lying if she hadn’t at least considered it.

“Ugh you’re so boring.” Karen groans. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Claire rings Frank. Frank says to give him ten minutes to finish his job. Twenty minutes later, Frank’s knocking on her front door.

She forgot her friends can do that.

Frank’s got a cap on and his head tilted downwards, coming into the flat as soon as Claire opens the door. “What’s the problem?”

“Come and see for yourself.” Claire leads the man into the room to find Jessica topless laying on the coffee table, Danny holding open Claire’s medical kit, and Matt standing above Jessica with a saw in his hand. “Oh my god! What’s going on?!” She yells.

“They couldn’t decide who was going to take the first shift.” Luke says. “So we’re going to take the bear out.”  
“Bear?” Frank asks.

“It might eat the goldfish.” Danny says.

“Or the goat.” Matt adds. Jessica shoots up into a sitting position.

“I have a goat in my farm?”

“I think it’s trying to escape.”

The sincerity is painful. Claire steps slowly towards Matt and eases the saw from his hands. He lets it go surprisingly easier. “How do you know what a tractor sounds like?” Luke asks, and Claire actually wants to know the answer to this.

“Clint wanted to show me what a farm was like.” Matt explains. Claire changes her mind: she doesn’t want to know.

“Who’s Clint?” Frank asks.

“I’m gonna be sick!” Jessica exclaims, and Claire quickly figures that’s the goat trying to escape. She passes the woman a bucket.

“That stinks.” Matt uses his cowl to cover his nose and mouth.

Jessica mock gasps when she’s done. “Well I’m sorry!” And the four burst out laughing, and Claire gives Frank a ‘I told you so’ kind of look.

“Shut up.” Frank orders, and they do, pretty much. There’re just the few odd snickers. “Go to sleep. If you do, we can get ice cream for breakfast.”

That’s all Danny needs to hear. “Claire can we have a blanket?”

“Sure.” Frank’s got the four vigilantes lying next to each other, reluctantly on Matt and Jessica’s behalves, on the rug by the time she comes back in from the bedroom. 

“Here you go.” She passes each of them a blanket.

Matt rejects his. “And you think I’m sadistic.” He grumbles. Frank holds back a smirk as Claire takes the scratchy material with a blush.

It takes a surprisingly short amount of time for them to fall asleep. “How?” Claire asks.

“They act like kids, treat them like kids. I’ll stay and check on them all. But I’m setting an alarm in case I fall asleep.”

“Thank you. My shift starts in an hour, Karen might stay here tonight, I’m not sure. Don’t activate instant kill.”

“Don’t hurt Karen.” Matt says.

“Holy shit.” Frank turns to face the ‘sleeping’ vigilantes. “Ninja. How many of you are actually asleep?” He gets no direct answer, but giggles erupt from them all. “No ice cream.” He threatens, and the giggling stops. “I’ll handle them, Claire. Get ready for work.”

“I’m taking the out. Thanks Frank.” Claire goes into her bedroom, and Frank’s left watching the four faux sleeping idiots. Claire sneaks out, though all of them whisper ‘bye Claire’, and Frank is actually surprised that a nurse is letting a murderer play babysitter in her house.

Danny is the first person asleep, emitting light snores, and Danny is soon to follow. “It’s not a competition.” He says eventually to Red and Jessica, who are definitely competing to be the last one up. “Go to sleep.”

“Can’t.” They say.

“Why not?” He gets incoherent mumbles as a response, and he’s not sure whether he actually cares for an answer or not. He decides he doesn’t, because he’s ex-military and a media labelled psychopath, and he tries to adhere to the stereotypes at all costs. “Go to sleep. I’m waking you up in two hours anyway.” He sets an alarm to prove it and shows the pair- it satisfies Jess, but he realises his mistake with Red. “I’ve set an alarm, Red. It’s already ticking. Get some sleep.”

“You need some sleep too, Frank. You’re tired.”

“Maybe I am, but you’re injured and in no state to give advice.” But despite his efforts, Frank falls asleep on the sofa before the masked man.

Karen comes home to a beautiful sight.

Photos are shared. Foggy loves her.

So does Peter, who promises to share it to Wade. Still, nobody knows who Wade is.

Frank gets through three checks without any trouble, and Claire crept back into the flat at five in the morning, able to get past without waking anyone, excluding Karen who gives her an early morning kiss before going back to sleep. Wearing one of her t-shirts. Because she sucks.

But Claire doesn’t get much rest, a scream, suddenly muffled, from the living room waking her up with a start. The two women run into the room and everyone else is awake too. “Is everyone ok?” There’s no sign of a break in.

If there were, the robber would have chosen the wrong place to break into tonight.

Claire turns on the light to get a better look at the group. Jessica hisses like a vampire and shields her eyes. Matt’s shaking in his seat.

Frank notices this too. “You ok, Red?”

“Fine.” He swallows. “Sorry for waking you all.”

“Don’t be. We’re getting up now anyways. Claire, they have spare clothes here?” She nods.

“Matt, if you ever want to talk…” Karen trails off.

“I know.” He smiles at the wall next to her head. Jessica doesn’t adjust his positioning this time. Claire brings them their spare clothes and tells them all she’s going back to bed. Karen goes with her, telling Matt not to come in to work until tomorrow. He nods. Frank frowns. That’s not like Red.

Dumbass workaholic.

“What’s up, Red?”

“You promised us ice cream for breakfast.”

“That I did.” So Frank takes off his vest and steals one of Red’s black tees, because Luke’s giant muscles and Danny’s colourful. Absolutely no other reason. “And I know a place that’s open.”

“You do?” Jessica asks, arms crossed, and eyebrows raised like a teenager.

Frank nods. “Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t have offered. You ready yet Luke?”

“I can’t choose what sweeter to wear.”

Matt points to the black t-shirt. “The yellow one.”

“It’s black.”

Matt gasps like he is personally offended. “Jessica said you wore yellow.”

“He does.”

“I do. This one’s yellow.” He holds the other tee higher and smartly wears that one, following the others out of the door.

“Murdock; want to take my arm?” Jessica’s harsh voice cuts through the silence, and the stubborn dumbass refuses the offer. Danny asks next, and Red still says no.   
When he falls down three stairs at a time, Luke catches him and places his hands around his elbow.

“Don’t let go.” He says.

“Ok.” Frank thinks he looks way too happy.

They get to the end of the street before it starts.

“Luke. You’re beautiful.” Red says, now stroking the bullet proof Man’s arm.

“I’ve never been called beautiful before.” He sounds on the verge of tears.

“You are beautiful, Luke.” Danny joins in.

“Absolutely gorgeous.” Then Jessica follows suit and they’re all complimenting the man, competing for the best similes. Frank rolls his eyes.

“You’re solid.” Red tells him, tapping his arm with his index fingernail. “It’s beautiful. You burn differently, like the one containable flame of an apocalyptic world. The lines, they join together, making you seem whole, not a flickering mess like everyone else.”

Frank turns to look at Luke, but all he sees is a man, same as anyone else.

“Your skin is whole. Keeping you safe, making you dangerous. It’s thrilling. You’re complete. You’re magnificent.”

Luke grins. Jessica scoffs. Danny’s curious. Frank’s just jealous, not that he’d ever care to admit it.

“So is everyone else not complete?” Danny asks, almost turning the wrong way. Jessica yanks him by the collar, snickering at his shock.

“Nope.” He shakes his head. “Everyone is a burning, detached silhouette. Their body parts jolt at different times, arms flickering to the left of the rest of their body with a slight movement. It’s chaos. An ambiguous landscape.”

“Is that what you ‘see’?” Jessica asks, making air quotes around the word. Enough stupid mistakes have taught her that it doesn’t matter that she’s behind the man.

“No.” He hums, thinking with his head cocked to one side. “I see what you see out of your knees. No darkness, no fire. It’s calming. Just a void of nothingness.”

“That sounds scary.” Danny says. Ever tactful.

“Having sight again sounds scary.” Red counters.

“You know what sounds scary?” Jessica asks, voice a little deeper. “Me if I don’t get any ice cream.”

Frank’s got to admit he’s terrified. Luke and Danny seem to share that fear, speeding up.

Red, the madman, throws his head back laughing.

Eventually they reach Frank’s ice cream parlour.

Frank argues it isn’t his. The Defenders don’t agree and wait sat on the curb outside Frank’s ice cream parlour while the said vigilante storms inside to buy five chocolate ice-creams. God knows he doesn’t have the money to be wasting on these idiots. He does it anyway.

The childish superheroes leap at the ice creams. “Ew he didn’t wash his hands.” Red states.

“Ew.” Jessica agrees.

“He was wearing gloves.” Frank reassures. Jessica eyes him, Frank doesn’t cower, she goes back to eating it. Red passes his ice cream to Danny. Danny turns into a lighthouse. “Let’s play a game.” The words are out of his mouth before he can think them through. This is too much like his past.

“Murdock’s been getting into the yellow car game.” Jessica says. “Told me about it at our saltmate convention. Named it the Yellow Car Initiative.”

“I’m getting good at it too.” Matt says, slightly boastful. He looks proud. “Though that’s only when I play with Mahoney. And I’ve only played it with him thrice.”

“You’re friends with Mahoney?”

“With his mother.” Red corrects, like that’s normal. “Or at least Foggy is. I just go with him. She makes us chicken casserole. Twice Brett gave me a lift home.”

“So the other time?”

“That was Clint’s fault.”

“Who’s Clint?” Jessica asks, because obviously she was too busy occupied with the idea of puking earlier to remember the name being bought up.

“Shh.” Red says. Because he’s a twat. “Yellow car.” He hits Frank. Hard.

“What the hell?” Frank asks. “You don’t have super strength.”

“Optimum strength.” Danny says. “And it’s stupid annoying. I can’t beat him.” Red starts snickering. “You steal my yellow car, and you keep beating me in contests. Wait… why didn’t you want your ice cream?”

“Ignorance is bliss.” The devil sings. “Yellow car.” He slaps them all.

“I was gonna say that.” Luke pouts.

“What’s wrong with the ice creams, Red?” Frank asks. He realises he hasn’t touched his since Red passed his to Danny. That’s probably a good thing, but since when had his subconscious become so trusting towards the pyjama wearing dork.

The Devil frowns. “He unclogged a toilet this morning.”

“Ew!” Chorused exclaims of disgusts come from the other Defenders and the ice creams are chucked onto the wall behind them. “Red, why didn’t you tell us.”

Red cackles.

“You were the one that tasted it, Murdock.” Jessica quickly stops his laughter.

Frank thinks about this, for a second. “How do you even know what that tastes like?”

He’s back to laughing. Full on, wheezing. It sets everyone off with him and Frank is actually tempted to end all of them.

Then he remembers bullets bounce of Luke. And that Red can dodge them. And that if he shoots any of them, the other three will promptly disable him and have him put away for life. It’s probably not worth it.

“I taste a lot of things, Frank.”

“Do you get off on being ominous?” Jessica raises her eyebrows so high Danny thinks they might fall off.

“Don’t lose your eyebrows!” He yells, springing to his feet and crouching in front of the woman. Danny presses his hands against them, forcing them to stay on her face. “Please, Jess, I love your eyebrows!”

“What the hell is going on out here?” The man comes out from the shop.

“You didn’t wash your hands.” Luke accuses immediately. “After unclogging the toilet.”

The man freezes for a second, heart speeding up. “How do you know that?” Danny giggles. “What the hell Castle? You bring some vigilantes, a billionaire and a blind man to my ice cream parlour. I don’t need that sort of rep.”

“It’s not like they’re the Avengers.” Frank points out politely. “Imagine that- prissy Captain America and his boyfriend sitting inside. How’d that be for image?”

Red cocks his head to the side. Jessica stops the blind joke before it’s started. “At least that guy with the arm is scary as fuck.”

“He meant the one with the wings.” Luke says. “We all know he means the Falcon.”

“No way.” Jessica contributes. “His boyfriend is the Winter Soldier over the Falcon every day of the week. They were like, childhood best buddies or something.”

“Like you and Trish?” Matt teases.

“Hell no.”

Danny frowns. “I’m with Luke. Definitely the Falcon.”

“What even is this convention Frank?” Frank is certain Matt’s laughing at him now, not Jessica. Then, to the side the man whispers: “who did you mean?”

“I meant the Falcon.”

Red stops laughing. “You did?” Frank nods, belatedly remembers to voice that. He laughs again. “Sucker. Captain America bought back Agent Carter when he put the time stones back. So they’re a thing now. And they are very good in bed.”

“Matt?” Luke asks. And Red actually turns red. Frank has never seen that man blush. “Did you have a threesome with Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter?”

The man jumps to his feet, hovering, trying to decide how to abandon ship. “Don’t tell Clint.”

“Who the hell is Clint?” Frank groans. Red’s already halfway down the street. Bloody ninja.

The ice cream man clears his throat. “That man’s not going to make it home alive.” He points at Red tumbling off a pavement and barely managing to miss a speeding car.

“You underestimate his stubbornness.” Frank mutters.

“I’ll follow Matt!” Danny exclaims and starts cartwheeling down the street. Jessica trails behind him. Luke stays; he stands tall next to Frank.

“Refund. Wash your hands.” The man’s quick about it too, but Luke’s vanished along with the other three vigilantes when he steps out the shop door. Frank mumbles to himself. Imagines Red laughing at his frustration on a rooftop three blocks over.

He mumbles as many blasphemous phrases as possible, beginning his reluctant pursuit of the concussed heroes. Today is going to be a long day.


End file.
